Intro. to Plus One Leadership Journal

1/09/10

I have been asked to keep a journal on leadership opportunities I experience.  I will write a variety of scenarios wherein leadership tactics were necessary to addressing the issue(s) at hand.  I hope to identify strengths and weaknesses in my personal leadership style, and improve my ability to apply effective leadership tactics at a better level.

At the moment of this writing, I'm in class now, and Professor Whitlark is addressing the idea that there is a 'super leader' response for most situations that exist.  In fact, there are 4 responses:
 - Marine Corp. Sergeant:  Makes a point regardless of consequences
 - Pooh Bear:  Makes a friend regardless of the point
 - Robot:  Stays within the rules
 - Super Leader:  Makes a point without damaging relationships

When you feel to panic:  Stop, Think, Lead

Stop:
4 drills for 4 scenarios:
- appropriate/angry:  "search for facts" drill
- inappropriate/angry:  "kick the can" drill
- inappropriate/fun:  "eyebrows up" drill
- fun/inappropriate:  "yes (when you want to say 'no')" drill.

Think:
a.  best possible outcomes
b.  best points to make

Lead:
pick the tactics to stay in the right mindset and make the right points. 

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Today's leadership opportunity came in a transaction with my wife.  We were trying to decide what kind of date to go on tonight.  She has been feeling sick, and I'm always tired after my classes.  My wife and I have had disagreements before date nights that land on MBA weekends before.  Part of the problem is that I feel like it has always been "up to me" to make a plan for our dates, and while spending quality one on one time with my wife is important to me, I struggle with the challenge of coming up with great date ideas on my MBA weekends. 

Today, she was texting me in an effort to get a good feel for our date plan.  She kept asking me what I wanted to do, and how she should make arrangements for whatever date plan I wanted to execute.  My intial reaction was to simply describe how I felt:  which was tired and busy, and not in the mood to be the one to come up with the date plan AGAIN--especially not knowing how well she would be feeling (considering the cold she's had).  I didn't do this, though.  Instead, I made an effert to "make a point, without damaging a relationship."  To do this, I texted her the following (in response to her text asking me for a 3rd or 4th time what I want to do):

"I really don't have ANY preferences. --weird, I know-- but I really just want to be with you, and it really doesn't matter where, or what we do.   . . . if you'd like, though, I'm happy to create us a game plan.  You want me to?"

The message was received, and she happily volunteered to help figure out what we should do tonight.

I think the key in this transaction was for me to think through the effects my response would have on my wife, while at the same time being certain my desires would be understood.  I think a follow-up success will be to discuss how greatful I am for the role my wife has played in our date planning this time.

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Here are a few more situational needs:

- John you're not doing anything importnant.  I need your help out in the yard- now.
     - Instead, lead like you pray:  Thank (for a previous service), THEN ask.

- Why do you keep making the same mistakes over and over again?
     - Offer a lifeline or escape route.

- If you can't find a way to get this report on my desk by this afternoon, you can forget about your annual bonus!
     - Ask a kind question (while offering a lifeline and taking some blame). 

(Be like columbo--stay off the pedestal)

Three things to change your life:
- play along
- explore
- get off your pedistal

"The inner calmness that comes from not being either defensive or insensitive helps us start seeing people as people and the world the way it really is."